Professional Stalker

Finally, a shirt that defines you better than Webster ever could.
Professional Stalker
Because a woman loves a man that knows what he’s doing.
Clean, distressed typewriter font makes it look like an official definition, but the punchline says otherwise. This one’s for the bold, the sarcastic, and the unapologetically wrong. Don’t worry, we’ll only call you 30 times after midnight.

📞 30 missed calls, 0 regrets
🕵️ Full-time creeper, part-time comedian
😂 Funny until someone changes their number
👕 Soft fabric, sharp sarcasm
📖 Fake dictionary entry, real attitude
😂 Sarcasm level: restraining-order worthy

Perfect For
Guys with unlimited minutes
Exes who “just want closure”
People who think restraining orders are love letters
Creeps (the funny kind, hopefully)
People who collect red flags like trading cards
Anyone whose love language is “constant surveillance”
Walking disclaimers that still look good in black
Anyone with a sense of humor darker than their browsing history

This t-shirt is everything you've dreamed of and more. It feels soft and lightweight, with the right amount of stretch. It's comfortable and flattering for all.

• 100% combed and ring-spun cotton (Heather colors contain polyester)
• Fabric weight: 4.2 oz./yd.² (142 g/m²)
• Pre-shrunk fabric
• Side-seamed construction
• Shoulder-to-shoulder taping
• Blank product sourced from Nicaragua, Mexico, Honduras, or the US

Printed only when you order. No dusty shelves, no overstock, just freshly made with a dash of sarcasm and questionable life choices. It might take a little longer to arrive, but hey, art takes time. Thanks for being part of the resistance.

Size guide